youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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