Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
