Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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