she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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