Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
