ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize