How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
