Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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