p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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