i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
