I wish my penis had an off switch
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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