when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
