I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
