Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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