So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
