i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
