At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
