I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize