gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
