the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
