Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize