My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
someone owes me an orgasm
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
