I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
