when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize