Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
