So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
