Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There are leaves in my underwear?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
