The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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