I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
