bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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