omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
