Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
