sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
