I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
