I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
