please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
