There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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