it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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