A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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