if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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