ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
