They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
