I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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