my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
