just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
