This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
