Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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