i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
