I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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