I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
