under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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