I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
