By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
