Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
