Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
