i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We're too hungover to prance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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