I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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