I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
