My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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