she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
