if i can run in heels then i can drive
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
