Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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