pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
