turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
