Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
