I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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