Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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