This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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