The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
