i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
