I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
