u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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