So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
