Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
