Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
