waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
