Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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