The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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