Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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