You're earring is so big in my mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
