you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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